Being separated from my pals during my own personal health crisis and then a global health crisis has been difficult, to say the least. But I’m determined to keep the spark alive in my friendships and ensure we bond until we’re closer than ever. The poor things. So I’ve been getting a bit nosy about the parts of our lives we rarely discuss and having plenty of deep chats. But I don’t want to hog all the interesting information. Here’s Queenie (you’ve probably seen her on here before) to talk about being British-born Chinese. We’ve been friends for over a decade and I’m rather fond of her. Grab a cuppa (it’s a long one) and have a read:
Can you explain what BBC means?
BBC is an acronym for British-born Chinese (or the British Broadcasting Corporation, depending on context).
Could you tell me about your upbringing?
My parents immigrated from Hong Kong after they got married in the 1980s. I grew up in a small seaside town in Devon where the majority of the population was white. At home, my parents insisted that we speak in Cantonese as they didn’t want my brother and I to lose that part of our culture while growing up in a predominantly English-speaking country. I think my dad simultaneously taught us English and Cantonese growing up, but my mum mainly speaks in Cantonese. I don’t remember a time when I couldn’t speak English, so I don’t think I struggled with schoolwork despite it being my second language, which is now my strongest.
My parents owned a fish and chip shop up until I was in year 4 but they decided to give up the business to spend more time with my brother and I, which I think is quite rare as I know that a lot of children of Chinese immigrants in the area had parents who worked long hours at their Chinese takeaways.
I think there’s also the stereotype that Chinese parents are very strict on their children’s academic success and forcing them to be straight A students, moving onto high-paying professions like doctors and lawyers. However, mine were never like that. My mum said that I had to go to university as it would open up my opportunities in life and having gone to a grammar school where the majority of my year group went straight onto university from school, it always felt like the logical thing to do. I was free to choose what and where I wanted to study.
Plus, if you know me, you’ll know that I’d have made a terrible doctor (I can barely watch surgery stuff on TV) or lawyer (my partner is a lawyer, and I can honestly say that I am neither smart enough nor interested enough for all the lingo).
When you were growing up, were there many Asian characters on TV? Was feeling represented (or not) something you ever felt aware of?
This is a really interesting question! I think it was something I felt aware of, but it wasn’t something that hugely bothered me. I kind of assumed that as the majority of the population of England was white, it made sense that most characters in films and TV would be too. In the same way that the majority of shows in Hong Kong would be played by Chinese actors. I don’t think I realised as a child growing up in Devon how big the Asian population in the UK actually is and how important it is to have representation in the media.
On TV as a child, there was Lucy Liu in Charlies Angels who I thought was pretty badass and I remember thinking that it was cool that there was an Asian power ranger. But looking back, I don’t think it was simply a coincidence that she was the yellow power ranger and that the black power ranger was played by a Black actor…
Slowly but surely, we’re getting to a better place with Asian representation – Crazy Rich Asians and Parasite have both won Oscars in recent years! I am also a big fan of Kim’s Convenience, a multi-award winning series on Netflix about a Korean-Canadian family who run a convenience store in Toronto. The Kim family are the main characters, and it shows that Asian families in predominantly white countries have just as much of a right to be represented in the media; we are more than supporting actors in heavily stereotyped roles.
‘When you’ve lived in another country where you have to pay around £25 just to see a doctor, you learn to appreciate the NHS even more’
What do you like best about being part of two different cultures?
I’d say that the best thing about being part of two different cultures is that my parents helped me to gain dual citizenship, so I can live and work in both England and Hong Kong without getting a Visa. The five years that I spent living in Hong Kong were some of the best of my life. Being able to live in two contrasting countries with ease has broadened my horizons and life experiences.
I’m forever grateful for having been educated in England as the Hong Kong education system is incredibly competitive and hard work. You need to interview just to get into a decent kindergarten. Whilst I love living in the city, growing up by the sea with lots of fresh air was great. When you’ve lived in another country where you have to pay around £25 just to see a doctor, you learn to appreciate the NHS even more.
As food brings me a lot of joy, being a part of two different cultures means that I’ve been lucky enough to have grown up on my mum’s incredible home-cooked Cantonese meals as well as British cuisine.
And what’s been the most challenging thing about being part of two different cultures?
I’d say the most challenging thing is probably growing up feeling like you don’t properly belong anywhere. In the past, it felt like I didn’t really fit in in England because I was Chinese and had a different cultural background to my peers. On the other hand, when I was in Hong Kong, I didn’t fit in there either because although I was ethnically the same, I was brought up in England so my Cantonese wasn’t the best, and people could tell that I wasn’t local.
Growing up in Devon, it was quite upsetting when people shouted unprovoked racist abuse at me in the street like ‘Go back to China’ – I’m sure they would make excellent additions to the BNP.
Or when people think that they’re being cultured by greeting me with ‘ni hao’ which isn’t the even the Chinese language that I speak. Regardless, when talking to a non-white stranger in a predominantly English-speaking country, just speak to them in English – nothing screams ‘you don’t belong here’ like attempting to guess someone’s ethnicity.
Or my personal favourite, ‘yeah, but where are you really from?’ aka ‘you’re lying because only white people are born in England, so you obviously don’t understand my question’.
How often do you encounter annoying people who say things like ‘yeah, but where are you really from’?
Haha, I actually haven’t experienced that at all in London – probably because it’s much more multicultural. However, I used to get it quite a lot when I lived in Devon especially when I worked at a Chinese takeaway. Some people were just in awe that I could speak in fluent English – I think these people need to spend some time outside of Devon.
‘It’s awkward when you’re trying to educate someone that what they’ve said has hurt you and is racist, but they are adamant that it’s not because that wasn’t their intention’
Is being BBC something you’re always in the mood to discuss? Can it ever be awkward to talk about?
I’m more than happy to talk about it when friends want to learn more. Asians are commonly described as a ‘Silent Minority’ – working hard and keeping our heads down – so more than ever, it’s important to discuss and do better.
It’s only awkward to talk about it when you’re trying to educate someone that what they’ve said has hurt you and is racist, but they are adamant that it’s not because that wasn’t their intention. That can be quite frustrating and belittling.
What’s something you wish more people knew about being BBC?
This is going to be mind-blowing for some people but if an Asian person has told you where they’re from and the answer isn’t an Asian country, for the love of god, don’t ask them where they’re REALLY from. It’s embarrassing for everyone involved but especially you.
Do you ever feel a clash between your Chinese heritage and British upbringing?
I’m not sure if this is an Chinese heritage thing or whether my mum was just quite strict/traditional, but she didn’t want me to start dating until I was 18 (I had my first boyfriend at 16) or to go out clubbing. She never actively stopped me from going but I knew she didn’t like it.
I also didn’t like speaking Cantonese to my parents in front of my friends – I guess as a child, you just want to fit in and be like everyone else. I never had friends over for dinner as I didn’t think that my friends would like Chinese food. Although my mum’s food is incredible, it’s nothing like Chinese takeaway food and I didn’t want my friends to feel uncomfortable. Also, my mum doesn’t speak very good English, so I didn’t want to make her feel awkward either.
‘It was sometimes a bit embarrassing to admit that I couldn’t read the menu’
You mentioned living in Hong Kong earlier – what was it like being BBC and then living in an Asian country?
Ooh I like this question, I’ve never really thought about it before! I’d never previously had any Asian friends in the UK – only family friends that I had when I was really young, but we drifted apart – so it was great to make friends who were also BBC’s and CBC’s (the Canadian version). It felt like finding a unique tribe of people who had gone through a lot of the same experiences as me; it felt like home.
Having been educated in England, this gave me a big advantage in searching for English teaching jobs in Hong Kong. However, I sadly learnt, not as much of an advantage as a white person from England in many schools and tutoring centres over there.
While I am Chinese and can speak Cantonese fluently enough to get by, I can’t read or write it so it was sometimes a bit embarrassing to admit that I couldn’t read the menu, but most places in Hong Kong have English translations so it wasn’t a huge problem.
Can we talk about dating? Do you ever encounter fetishisation of Asian women? And if so, how do you discern who is and isn’t creepy?
Another corker of a question McMuffin, you are on fire!
I’m not sure if it counts as fetishisation but I do definitely remember comments that guys on dates have made like, “I can’t believe I’m going out with a really hot Asian girl.” Why can’t I just be hot? Why must my ethnicity play a part in it? One of my exes also referred to me as his “Asian girlfriend” for a good month before I told him to stop, as if my ethnicity was my defining feature (FYI, my defining features are my “OK sense of humour and chins” according to my boyfriend James).
The creepy guys on dating apps usually straight up let you know “I’m really into/only date Asian chicks” so the beauty of the internet means that I’ll never have to meet them.
What makes you feel most connected to your Chinese heritage?
I’m sure this will come as no surprise to you but the food, for sure! I cook a lot of Chinese food at home and when we can eat out in restaurants again, it will most likely be for Chinese food like dim sum, hotpot, spicy Sichuan food, Cantonese roast meats and custard buns!
‘I just wanted to fit in, be white and not have racist abuse shouted at me walking down the street, y’know?’
Would you say you’re proud to be BBC?
I don’t think I was when I was younger because I just wanted to fit in, be white and not have racist abuse shouted at me walking down the street, y’know?
Now, I’d say that I am – I feel grateful to be immersed in two cultures and get the best of both worlds!
Thank you for answering my nosy questions, Queenie! If you enjoyed her witty-and-ever-so-modest answers, you’ll definitely enjoy her blog – pop over to queeniekylee.com for more quintessential Queenieness.
